“A New Direction”

As we come to a close for the calendar year, I can feel the energy of the season.  I’m excited!  To wrap things up for the first semester, sorting and filing the paperwork, sending out the Christmas cards, wrapping the presents, baking, preparing, and everything else, I’m giddy.

I didn’t feel this way last year, but I had a lot to overcome, and I have.

I found myself enjoying, and singing right along to Music Choice: Sounds of the Season, as I helped mom clean the kitchen from dinner yesterday evening.  We normally switch the television over to a music channel when we sit to eat as a family, and make small-talk during the meal.  Mom turned the television to Christmas music which surprised me as she’s the Grinch at Christmas.  She’ll tell you that herself and she’ll say it proudly.  He even sits on a table beside her chair in the living room when we put the tree up, and he wears a hat that says “Buh-humbug”.  We love it!  We love the Grinch, so it’s never used in a bad way, only as a term of endearment.

Last year I couldn’t get into the spirit of the holidays.  We put up mom and dad’s tree, I put up a tree in our office, I wrapped gifts, I baked cookies, I planned a menu, but I wasn’t feeling any of it.  This year feels completely different.

What feels different?  Why does it feel different?

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being angry.  I’m tired of mourning the loss of loved ones that have held me back in life.  I’m tired of mentally holding onto something I never should have been holding on to in the first place.  I’m letting go of what was, and I’m ready for what’s going to be.  I’m ready to make the changes my family needs.  I’m ready to move forward.  I came up with a motto/phrase when I was younger, late teens, early twenties.  I used to say it all the time, but it wasn’t relevant to me personally because I wasn’t yet old enough.  I didn’t have the experience.  It went like this- Don’t plan the future, don’t dwell in the past, focus on the present, and make it last.  Things are changing and turning around, and I like where they appear to be heading.  In a new direction.

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