Merry Christmas Eve Eve

Good morning y’all!

I know, I know.  I’ve neglected to write anything in quite some time.  I’m almost ashamed I haven’t written, but I’ve been going through a lot of things, dealing with a lot of things, and as a result, overcoming a lot of things.  Going into drastic details would take up entirely too much time and probably bore everyone who reads this to death, or at the least, put everyone to sleep.  I don’t want to do that.  I’ll just say, every step forward is an accomplishment and it’s healing.

Normally, this enchanting time of the year is frustrating, what with commercial Christmas things lining retail and grocery store shelves before Halloween stuff goes out, memories of loved ones passing surfacing my mind, budget worry, as well as work related efforts stressing my mental health to the max.  This year, all that changed because I’m in a place of my own, just my husband, daughter, and myself.  My reputation as a VIPKid teacher has finally been established causing my confidence level to skyrocket through the roof and I’m so incredibly proud of myself for that!  In addition, my spending budget is leveling out comfortably.  What’s been bothering me is my anxiety.

My mental health is fabricating things my conscious mind knows I should not be worrying about.  A couple weeks ago, I walked, well, paced my way through an anxiety attack, yet I have no idea why I was having an anxiety attack.  All I can guesstimate is things in my life are turning around and I’m wondering, ‘what’s the catch?’  You know?  I wasn’t thinking about the bad things, because I’ve been too busy moving forward, preparing for all the stuff I want to do in the new year.  I wasn’t thinking about my husband parents who passed during this time in 2007.  I was merely sitting on our couch, doing nothing.  I can only conclude it’s because I wasn’t doing anything.  I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, so because I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, I was noticing every internal feeling in my body, and because I haven’t been to see a doctor in so long, thanks to lack of health insurance, I mentally panicked.

Well, I fixed that.  I walked my anxiety off and moved forward.  One of the many things I’ve been blessed with this year, since moving into my own place, is I finally have health insurance again.  So, having this, I made a call and scheduled myself an appointment for after the first of the year.  I’m not worried there’s something wrong with me, I’m worried because I haven’t seen a doctor in a few years.  Like five years, to be exact.

Well, enough of that news.  Moving on…

The new year is quickly approaching, but unlike 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016, I’m preparing and I’m ready.  This year, I’ve made a new year’s resolution I can actually keep.  In detail, I have my 2020 calendar year written and ready to fill with class bookings and writing schedules.  I have a plan, in writing, to work on my manuscript and have it completed within a few months, and this includes rewriting some of the material which I noticed in rereading it, still needs work.  I realized, last year, I wrote with a lot of hate.  This year, I’m transforming all the hate into experience and lessons.  After all, it’s why I chose a career in writing.  I have so much life experience to share, but I need to leave the hate out because it doesn’t do any good to hate.  Hate only makes a person mean.

I’m also going to post on my blog much more.  At least once a month.  I’ve gained so many followers since starting my blog and with saying this, I want to thank each and every one for choosing to follow my blog.  I am so thankful for every one of you because your follows are proof that I can express myself in writing and you enjoy reading it.  I only wish my parents understood my reason for what I write, but I also accept the fact they will probably never understand my purpose.

Well, having said all this, I’m closing out for now, until next year.  Can you believe it?  Next Monday is the last day of 2019!  Where did the year go?  It went like every year before it has- good and bad, with obstacles and accomplishments, with struggles and lessons, and I met and made some new friends thanks to all of it.  I am truly blessed!

From me and my family to you and yours, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and a Feliz Navidad.  If I left one out, please, leave me a comment so I can wish you yours as well because I don’t want to leave anyone out.  Educate me on how you celebrate your holiday traditions.

In closing, thank you for reading!  Love to everyone this holiday season!

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