Welcome 2020!

Happy New Year y’all!

In my last post, I wrote and told y’all my new year’s resolution was to complete my manuscript, and I’m so excited to announce that I have officially began working on it full force.  It’s in full swing and it has been since December 30th!  Being that I’m writing my memoir, in short story form, I have several short stories written but need a lot of revising.  I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I’m going to work them all out.  This in turn made me realize, I have to feel out which short stories to work on and when it’s the best time to work on each of them.  In other words, I can’t just work on one, finish it, and then continue on to the next short story in line.  Rather, I need to feel each story out.  For instance, to give you an example, I felt the need to work revisions in a short story about forgiving myself.  I can’t move on and work on a different short story about a memory until I have first forgiven myself for many of the choices I’ve made in my life which gave me the memories I’m writing about.

I’ve also decided to share excerpts from my written work.  How great does that sound?  I would love for y’all to purchase my first book once it’s published, but why would y’all buy my book if y’all have no clue what’s in it, right?  Personally, I don’t purchase a book without first having a little knowledge of the writer or it’s contents.

In “A Letter to Myself”, I wrote it because I have to first, forgive myself, but I also wrote it because I needed help forgiving myself.  I needed to write it so I could find the positive outcomes during some rough patches in my life.  Every obstacle I have faced taught me something.  In learning from it, I share the lesson in writing to help others possibly going through the same thing, or facing a similar obstacle of their own.  That’s who I am.  That’s what I do.

So, without further ado, here’s an excerpt from “A Letter to Myself”—–

“Keep in mind, life might not have happened as you planned, but it still happened, and you still obtained everything you were after.  The only difference was the journey.”

“Your life didn’t happen the way Granny planned either, but she wanted you to have the life she wanted and cheated herself out of- finishing high school, going to college, falling in love, marriage, and raising a family.  She didn’t want that for you, but for herself.  She was trying to live her life vicariously through you.  She had her own lessons to learn, through you, the unknowing teaching implement, but she was an unteachable student.”

 

I hope y’all enjoyed reading that small portion of my most recently, completely revised piece.  I was certainly a task to write, but you know what, I feel like I finally freed myself from a burden I should have never carried in the first place.  Like I can finally accept that while a lot of people in my past expected certain things from me, it matters more what I expect from myself.

In closing, I want you to know that I’ll be sharing many more excerpts from my book as I work on it and further it’s contents.  I have a lot to write about and I look forward to sharing more and more of it with all of you.  My goal is to finish my manuscript by the end of April, my birthday, and submit it to Page Publishing for, fingers crossed, publication!  Until then, I’m working on it one day at a time, writing on story at a time.  At the present moment, I’m revising “Not Quite Nestle” about a cookie baking experience gone very wrong.

Thanks for reading!

 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes…

I’ve met my fair share of needy people.  Now, I’m not talking about people that need things like food to eat or a roof over their head, or clothes, I’m talking about needy, clingy, I wave to a stranger in a friendly manner and they misread my friendly wave needy.  I’m doing nothing more than waving in acknowledgement, but they acknowledge it as come over anytime and tell me all about your life.  Having encountered so many who are like this, I submitted myself to hermitage.  Keeping to myself to the point I wouldn’t even go outside.  I withdrew myself from the likes of society.

This has changed.

My husband and I moved into our own place, but we do have neighbors closer in distance to us than the last place we lived.  I didn’t really think about how close our neighbors are as we were moving in, but I swore to myself I wouldn’t walk down that path of friendliness again.  I enjoy having friends, but I also enjoy spending time alone because that’s when I can dive into my creative thoughts uninterrupted.  I lose myself in sketching or writing, or reading a really good book, whichever direction my thoughts take me at that particular moment.  These are my favorite pastimes, but not everyone accepts this, and most of the time it’s because they don’t understand it.  I don’t expect others to understand my creative fulfillment, but I do expect them to accept that art is who I am.  It’s what makes me who I am.  I accept others for who they are and what they do, but I also expect the same in return.  In other words, if you don’t understand it, don’t criticize me for it, allow me to either educate you or leave me alone.

On an evening, within a week after my family and I moved into our new place, we experienced a ‘tiny’ ant problem around our kitchen sink.  I noticed our landlord was across the road, on our neighbor’s porch visiting and in conversation, so I sent my husband over to inquire on some bug spray of some sort.  They didn’t have any bug spray, but they did offer us another solution which helped put an end to our ‘tiny’ ant problem, and because my husband went over to inquire, he also met our neighbors.  My husband is an old ‘hippie’ and he’ll be the first one to tell you this about himself, so he’s able to feel others out.  Not in the touchy-feely sort of way, but he can read them like characters in a book.  After cleaning up our ant problem, we finished cleaning the kitchen from dinner, and then my husband convinced me to go with him to return the borrowed ant killing solution.  As hesitant as I am on a regular basis, I allowed myself this neighborly meet and greet.  I’m glad I did this because in meeting our neighbors, rather than avoiding them like I normally do, I stepped outside my comfort zone, allowing myself a change in socialization.  Before this, I practically closed myself off from the rest of the world because of a handful of people I chose to allow to take advantage of me.

In meeting our neighbors, I did some soul searching, seeking advice from my inner self, and following my intuition.  I have to follow my heart.  By following my heart, I have to accept that I’ve made mistakes in my past, allowing people to practically walk all over me in a figurative manner.  By following my heart, I’m following my husband, trusting that he, who has years of experience before me, can read a person enough to sense whether they’re genuine or pretending to be something or someone they aren’t.  There are too many fake people in this world, but I can’t continue judging others according to those I’ve already met and distrust.

This isn’t the only thing changing in my life either.  I’m changing as an individual person as well.  No longer hesitating to ask about things I’m curious about.  No longer fearing I might offend someone.  No longer worrying about being misjudged or judged for my sometimes eclectic personality.  I admit, sometimes I ask questions that really shock a person, but I don’t expect my questions to be answered.  I’ll be the first one to tell you, if it’s too personal, tell me, don’t feed me a line of lies because my question crossed the line.  Tell me I’ve crossed a line.  As a mature woman, I will understand.  In return, ask me anything, if it’s none of your business, I’ll tell you.

It’s been so long since I’ve surrounded myself with real people, it’s quite refreshing.  I feel renewed hope and real connections.  My husband and I were visiting with our neighbors the other night when the idea to write this blog surfaced my thoughts.  Instantly, I was asking for a piece of paper and a pen or pencil to write.  They offered up both without question and even as I proceeded to spend a good 15 to 20 minutes writing out my thoughts, neither of them questioned me or criticized me for taking the moment to write what I had on my mind.

Changes.

Good and bad, changes come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of importance.  Throughout the last two months, the changes have come as expected and completely unexpected.  Moving.  Exploring an unknown destination at the most inconvenient time thanks to an error in GPS.  Adjusting, planning, and anything else I’ve encountered but am unable to list, the changes have proven to be for the best.  I didn’t understand them at the time, but because they occurred, I had to change, to become a better person.  Each experience is a lesson.  I had to learn that I’m going to be okay, that things are going to be okay, that we are going to be okay.  Most importantly, there are still good people out there, I just have to listen more closely, and follow my heart.