Merry Christmas Eve Eve

Good morning y’all!

I know, I know.  I’ve neglected to write anything in quite some time.  I’m almost ashamed I haven’t written, but I’ve been going through a lot of things, dealing with a lot of things, and as a result, overcoming a lot of things.  Going into drastic details would take up entirely too much time and probably bore everyone who reads this to death, or at the least, put everyone to sleep.  I don’t want to do that.  I’ll just say, every step forward is an accomplishment and it’s healing.

Normally, this enchanting time of the year is frustrating, what with commercial Christmas things lining retail and grocery store shelves before Halloween stuff goes out, memories of loved ones passing surfacing my mind, budget worry, as well as work related efforts stressing my mental health to the max.  This year, all that changed because I’m in a place of my own, just my husband, daughter, and myself.  My reputation as a VIPKid teacher has finally been established causing my confidence level to skyrocket through the roof and I’m so incredibly proud of myself for that!  In addition, my spending budget is leveling out comfortably.  What’s been bothering me is my anxiety.

My mental health is fabricating things my conscious mind knows I should not be worrying about.  A couple weeks ago, I walked, well, paced my way through an anxiety attack, yet I have no idea why I was having an anxiety attack.  All I can guesstimate is things in my life are turning around and I’m wondering, ‘what’s the catch?’  You know?  I wasn’t thinking about the bad things, because I’ve been too busy moving forward, preparing for all the stuff I want to do in the new year.  I wasn’t thinking about my husband parents who passed during this time in 2007.  I was merely sitting on our couch, doing nothing.  I can only conclude it’s because I wasn’t doing anything.  I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, so because I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, I was noticing every internal feeling in my body, and because I haven’t been to see a doctor in so long, thanks to lack of health insurance, I mentally panicked.

Well, I fixed that.  I walked my anxiety off and moved forward.  One of the many things I’ve been blessed with this year, since moving into my own place, is I finally have health insurance again.  So, having this, I made a call and scheduled myself an appointment for after the first of the year.  I’m not worried there’s something wrong with me, I’m worried because I haven’t seen a doctor in a few years.  Like five years, to be exact.

Well, enough of that news.  Moving on…

The new year is quickly approaching, but unlike 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016, I’m preparing and I’m ready.  This year, I’ve made a new year’s resolution I can actually keep.  In detail, I have my 2020 calendar year written and ready to fill with class bookings and writing schedules.  I have a plan, in writing, to work on my manuscript and have it completed within a few months, and this includes rewriting some of the material which I noticed in rereading it, still needs work.  I realized, last year, I wrote with a lot of hate.  This year, I’m transforming all the hate into experience and lessons.  After all, it’s why I chose a career in writing.  I have so much life experience to share, but I need to leave the hate out because it doesn’t do any good to hate.  Hate only makes a person mean.

I’m also going to post on my blog much more.  At least once a month.  I’ve gained so many followers since starting my blog and with saying this, I want to thank each and every one for choosing to follow my blog.  I am so thankful for every one of you because your follows are proof that I can express myself in writing and you enjoy reading it.  I only wish my parents understood my reason for what I write, but I also accept the fact they will probably never understand my purpose.

Well, having said all this, I’m closing out for now, until next year.  Can you believe it?  Next Monday is the last day of 2019!  Where did the year go?  It went like every year before it has- good and bad, with obstacles and accomplishments, with struggles and lessons, and I met and made some new friends thanks to all of it.  I am truly blessed!

From me and my family to you and yours, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and a Feliz Navidad.  If I left one out, please, leave me a comment so I can wish you yours as well because I don’t want to leave anyone out.  Educate me on how you celebrate your holiday traditions.

In closing, thank you for reading!  Love to everyone this holiday season!

What a Monday

Hey y’all.  How was your weekend?

My weekend flew by while I was dealing with an ache in my body only women endure from puberty to menopause, and then I was dealing with my truck.  I’ve had ‘the beast’ for three years, but it’s time that I get rid of her due to cost of maintenance.  She’s an old girl, a 1996, but she’s worth her weight.  She’s perfect for farming.

Monday.

This week my daughter faces taking her final exams to mark the end of the first semester.  I’ve had her studying, reading and rereading, over and over, the study guide answer sheet her teachers supplied each student with to prepare for the tests.  Today she took her math test.  I can’t say that she did excellent, but she did take her time and tried to work out each problem.  Tomorrow, we test for English/Language Arts, Wednesday we test in Science, and Thursday we test in Social Studies.  Wednesday, after school, I have an online teleconference, to go over gathered informational research from throughout the first semester to decide the plan for next semester with a couple of higher-up members of the academic staff.  I don’t know how it’ll go as they’ve not gone well before, but things have changed.

I’m not rooting for recognition or fame, but I do want to share that it’s been a daily struggle to get my daughter this far.  I’ve mentioned before that my daughter was ‘next-to-failing’ in brick and mortar schooling; because I’ve been able to personally work with her, one-on-one, giving her my full-blown attention, she has gained so much more understanding and confidence in herself and her ability to grasp class instruction, but it’s not been easy.  Most mother/daughter relationships go one of two ways.  I’ve had to be what most parents have considered to be really strict, or too strict, but she’s a better person for it.  She’s a better person than some of the kids I’ve known.  I hate to say that, but I’ve known some kids… a story for another time.

So, I’m finishing up first semester with my daughter this week in addition to selling my truck.  I’m also baking cupcakes for my daughter’s gymnastics class, for her birthday since classes are out the week of Christmas, so we’re sharing this week.  After that, I’m cleaning for Christmas, wrapping a few gifts, baking an apple pie, and enjoying a nice long vacation from middle school academics and extracurricular activities.

I’m going to put more focus instead on writing, and submitting more work to here and there.  This place and that.  Chicken Soup for the Soul is my first and foremost target.  I’ve been studying, and by studying I mean I’ve been reading from my personal Chicken Soup for the Soul collection like I’m taking a class in college–Chicken Soup for the Soul 501–it’s a Master’s class.  Just kidding, but I am serious about how much I’m reading.  I started with Chicken Soup for the Girls Soul, then I read Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Amazing Mom and I just finished reading that yesterday afternoon.  Yesterday evening I started Chicken Soup for the Soul: Random Acts of Kindness.  Just wait until the new year!

In closing, thank y’all so much for reading and following my blog.  I love knowing I’m talking to someone.  Wink, wink!

To everyone reading, have a very Merry Christmas, a very Happy Hanukkah, or if you don’t celebrate either of those, comment yours so I can wish you one in return.

Happy Holidays!! 🙂