Merry Christmas Eve Eve

Good morning y’all!

I know, I know.  I’ve neglected to write anything in quite some time.  I’m almost ashamed I haven’t written, but I’ve been going through a lot of things, dealing with a lot of things, and as a result, overcoming a lot of things.  Going into drastic details would take up entirely too much time and probably bore everyone who reads this to death, or at the least, put everyone to sleep.  I don’t want to do that.  I’ll just say, every step forward is an accomplishment and it’s healing.

Normally, this enchanting time of the year is frustrating, what with commercial Christmas things lining retail and grocery store shelves before Halloween stuff goes out, memories of loved ones passing surfacing my mind, budget worry, as well as work related efforts stressing my mental health to the max.  This year, all that changed because I’m in a place of my own, just my husband, daughter, and myself.  My reputation as a VIPKid teacher has finally been established causing my confidence level to skyrocket through the roof and I’m so incredibly proud of myself for that!  In addition, my spending budget is leveling out comfortably.  What’s been bothering me is my anxiety.

My mental health is fabricating things my conscious mind knows I should not be worrying about.  A couple weeks ago, I walked, well, paced my way through an anxiety attack, yet I have no idea why I was having an anxiety attack.  All I can guesstimate is things in my life are turning around and I’m wondering, ‘what’s the catch?’  You know?  I wasn’t thinking about the bad things, because I’ve been too busy moving forward, preparing for all the stuff I want to do in the new year.  I wasn’t thinking about my husband parents who passed during this time in 2007.  I was merely sitting on our couch, doing nothing.  I can only conclude it’s because I wasn’t doing anything.  I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, so because I wasn’t occupying my thoughts, I was noticing every internal feeling in my body, and because I haven’t been to see a doctor in so long, thanks to lack of health insurance, I mentally panicked.

Well, I fixed that.  I walked my anxiety off and moved forward.  One of the many things I’ve been blessed with this year, since moving into my own place, is I finally have health insurance again.  So, having this, I made a call and scheduled myself an appointment for after the first of the year.  I’m not worried there’s something wrong with me, I’m worried because I haven’t seen a doctor in a few years.  Like five years, to be exact.

Well, enough of that news.  Moving on…

The new year is quickly approaching, but unlike 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016, I’m preparing and I’m ready.  This year, I’ve made a new year’s resolution I can actually keep.  In detail, I have my 2020 calendar year written and ready to fill with class bookings and writing schedules.  I have a plan, in writing, to work on my manuscript and have it completed within a few months, and this includes rewriting some of the material which I noticed in rereading it, still needs work.  I realized, last year, I wrote with a lot of hate.  This year, I’m transforming all the hate into experience and lessons.  After all, it’s why I chose a career in writing.  I have so much life experience to share, but I need to leave the hate out because it doesn’t do any good to hate.  Hate only makes a person mean.

I’m also going to post on my blog much more.  At least once a month.  I’ve gained so many followers since starting my blog and with saying this, I want to thank each and every one for choosing to follow my blog.  I am so thankful for every one of you because your follows are proof that I can express myself in writing and you enjoy reading it.  I only wish my parents understood my reason for what I write, but I also accept the fact they will probably never understand my purpose.

Well, having said all this, I’m closing out for now, until next year.  Can you believe it?  Next Monday is the last day of 2019!  Where did the year go?  It went like every year before it has- good and bad, with obstacles and accomplishments, with struggles and lessons, and I met and made some new friends thanks to all of it.  I am truly blessed!

From me and my family to you and yours, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and a Feliz Navidad.  If I left one out, please, leave me a comment so I can wish you yours as well because I don’t want to leave anyone out.  Educate me on how you celebrate your holiday traditions.

In closing, thank you for reading!  Love to everyone this holiday season!

“All in a Week”

I’ve certainly had an interesting week!

Monday, my husband had a doctor’s appointment as well as an errand or two to run before and after.  I spent all morning in Class Connect with our daughter.

Tuesday, my husband had other business to take care of in town, and he had to leave early.  Again, I spent the morning in Class Connect with our daughter, and completing household chores between classes.

Wednesday was our daughter’s doctor’s appointment, so after Class Connect sessions were over and lunch and homework were done, we left, and ran some errands after.

It was Thursday that was the ‘doozy’.  I found myself facing a new milestone, and living it two different ways at once.  Well, three different ways.  I recall my own experience (when I was her age), I’m reliving it through my daughter, and I’m relating instinctively.  It’s awesome, but I also feel as if I’ve aged several years overnight, more so because I discovered it the night before.  We were both tired that day and she didn’t feel up to going to gymnastics that evening.

Come Friday morning, my dad’s brother stopped in for a visit since he was in the area.  It’s been 14 years since I last saw my uncle, and times have certainly changed the both of us.  However, it was interesting, some of the conversations we had during his brief visit.  I learned a lot, about our family, about him, and about myself.  In addition to my uncle visiting, my husband had another business errand to run early that morning, so while he was taking care of that, I was reclaiming my daughter’s attention during breakfast to get her ready for school.  She’d never met him before now, so naturally she would be socially interested.

Now here I am.

It’s Saturday, the sun is shining, and tomorrow’s weather is calling for rain which pretty much guarantees I won’t be able to work outside.  I feel the need to re-energize, and being outside, in the fresh country air, beautifying the yard, cultivating the ground, it’s therapeutic to me.

That reminds me, I can’t wait to get started on my vegetable garden!

“Wii-Bowling Helps in Mental Health”

What a week.  It couldn’t have been any worse, but then again, the things I’ve dealt with in life, it could have been worse, so I shouldn’t complain.  Still, the minor irritations and annoyances ate at me.  No matter what I did, each little thing annoyed me more and more, I finally had to shut myself down.  I sat down, I plugged into some hard metal music (because they say music soothes the savage beast) through my Bluetooth headset, and I just sat there.  I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything–I just sat there.

I sat and thought about why I was mad.  What was irritating me, and annoying me so bad to make my skin crawl?  Most importantly, why was I allowing myself to feel that way?  I can’t answer either question, other than to say that things in our otherwise ordinary life got the best of my actions and feelings.  In other words, I needed to change the way I was thinking about things and seeing things, but first I needed to exert my bad attitude into something, so I ‘Wii-Bowled’.

When I get irritated with things, or life, and I feel like the what the lyrics say in “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit, I found Wii-Bowling helps release my anger and frustration safely.  I’m not physically throwing anything that could break, unless I choose not to wear the included wristband for safety reasons–such as throwing the remote across the room as I’m theoretically throwing a bowling ball down a systematically made up bowling lane.  Get my drift?  This way, no harm, no foul.

Well, not entirely ‘no foul’ because while I spent most of Friday afternoon ‘bowling’ my attitude to the point of exhaustion, I also threw my entire right arm out–all the way to my shoulder blade.  I did such a good job tiring out my bad mood, I caused some physical pain on myself, and all I did was spend hours throwing a pretend ‘computer generated ball at some pins made from the same frequency in a violent manner in a virtual gaming world.  It was the perfect release for my state of mind.

It’s been a couple days since I bowled, but I need to give my arm muscles time to heal because I practically killed them according to how they feel.  It was so worth it though!